Here we go, I’m winging it! I’ve been winging it for almost six years since my secondary breast cancer diagnosis!
In November 2016, After five years of treatments, surgeries and radiotherapy I’m NED (no evidence of disease). I’m in a reasonably good position, I’m feeling well, I’m not cured, I never will be but life as it is is good……but I’m FAT!
I don’t mean chubby or a little bit overweight, I mean FAT!
I’m in a viscous circle of hating the way I look, eating to cheer myself up, putting on more weight, hating the way I look! Round and round we go!
I’d endured treatments, surgeries, radiotherapy to stay alive, to be around for my family, my husband, my sons. But as the original terror of a secondary cancer diagnosis became something I had gotten used to and life became ‘normal’ again I found that I wasn’t living, I was existing. I was depressed, bored and lonely. Cancer had taken my job from me, my energy levels, my focus and routine. I became increasingly anxious and my only source of comfort came from filling my face with whatever I could find. Takeaways, eating out, chocolate, wine! Our whole family life revolved around food, it was how we socialised as a family, it was how I spent quality time with my husband but I have a real love-hate relationship with food. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
Where did I begin to make changes? Everything seemed like such a mammoth task! I couldn’t go to a gym, that was terrifying! I could swim, I’m good at swimming, but I looked like a beached whale. I could try running, but I couldn’t run. My joints were still sore from chemo and I was too scared of looking like a complete nob! It’s hopeless, I’ll just have another chocolate bar whilst I figure it all out.
Then, completely out of the blue, I discover forever-strong! A Facebook advert, what have I got to lose? Not just another gym, this was different! It takes me until March 2017 to start in ernest but I did it, I’m still doing it. I’m 10kg down up to now and feeling great.
So what happens when I go into hospital in three weeks time? I’m a brca2 carrier, I need some new boobies. Some that aren’t going to try and kill me! But whilst I’m recovering and proudly admiring my new melons what am I going to do without the focus of forever-strong? The place where I feel good, the place that keeps me accountable for what I stuff in my mouth, the routine in my life! I don’t want to become that binge eating, low in confidence person that I’m trying so hard to move away from. I don’t like her.
I know, I’ll make a record of my recovery and my return to the gym. Mainly for myself, to keep me focussed and accountable but if anyone else wants something to send them to sleep at night then they are welcome to read.
So, as I said, here we go………..
strongerboobies 